"I fight to shine lights into the abyss"

hey, i'm drunk.
and i fucking love you.
i love jesus christ.
fuck you if you don't.
i don't care howe ignorantrt
that is.
ily all, and goodbyed.

I thought this would be appropriate since i havent been on in awhile.
I moved to Eagle River. It's nice and quiet. Joined the school soccer team.
and weight club. My arms hurt...HELP ME!!!!

                                                                                    

 I love life. it's so very decent.

i'm bicycles b rad
my bud is heyderpup 



BICYCLES B RAD: hey babyu
heyderpup: what up girl
BICYCLES B RAD: nothing boo you
heyderpup: stabbing vaginas
BICYCLES B RAD: bahbaahbhbhabhabaaaabaahhahhhahhaah
BICYCLES B RAD: blaise you little rascal

 I talked to an amazing girl today.

i've been thinking about this phrase quite often...
"time has had it's way with me, but time can't fix a thing."
now either this makes zero sense, or it's a more
complex grammatical unit that previously thought.
I want your input on it.



- Nicola

yeah, you're jealous. 
jizzoking....
i'm going on Vacation for one week today.
I'll still have access to internet though.
well sorry for a lame entry.


- Nicola

They say that there are over
1,000,000 drugs on this earth... 
i'm going to try them all.

Personally i'm too aware of the flaws in life that living loses its "mojo" if you will. For example, long-term, or life-time atheists will always have trouble ducking, and dodging their heads under the water of spiritual awakening. So since ignorance is indeed bliss, but willful ignorance is unheard of, what are you, and I supposed to do.......  I suggest complete acceptance of the harshness of reality. Here's several of my own suggestions, opinions, facts. Feel free to admit your own. So........try to understand, and keep a very open mind, or else you have no reason to be reading this :

- Nobody will ever understand you completely.
- You can only speak for yourself.
- There will always be a major distortion between what you know, what you will be able to communicate, and what people will then comprehend.
- There is no such thing as perfect trust.
- Life does have no intrinsic (basically meaning we do not belong to any specific thing, such as nature.) meaning.
- Much of my life (some of yours as well) is directed by things preceding me and therefore out of my control.
- Your mind will always be polluted by public discourse (being an egotistical prick)
- We impact everything, but yet we are often powerless to control.
- Discursive (rambling) opinion will often not match reality.
- Perspectives and living are short and temporary.
- The only perfect, and absolute truth is God, our Holy Father. (keeping in mind this generation is a very open minded, and opinionated one there has to be an absolute truth for those of you who do not share my same religious beliefs or i wouldn't be making a very good point lmao) So you Athiests, Agnostics, and whatever else religion (or lack of i forgot i'm sorry) i'd have to say WITHOUT having the same beliefs, the only absolute would be math. - You will always be irrational.
- Your emotions will always interfere with your sense of truth.
- Life is composed of layers of visible and invisible cliche's and story lines
- We are ultimately subject to forces beyond us, natural selection, laws of accelerating returns (opinions will def. make a difference here), etc.
- There is no perfect break from some vague events, or "facts" that try to paint a picture of us somehow all being connected by a natural cause. (yes i did previously state that we are all in fact NOT connected by a natural cause, being "the big bang theory", or "evolution" as a couple examples. "but, Nick you said in fact that we are not connected by natural causes, and now "There is no perfect break", if you find yourself asking me this, or tihkning to yourself you need to re-read this entire thing - THE ONLY ABSOLUTE PERFECTION IS GOD, or again for the non - believers...MATH)
- What ppl tell you or how others view you will inevitbly affect you.
- No event or action is completely beneficial.
- You will always be an agent of some evil. (yes even the little catholic boy understands, and accepts it)
- You will never be beyond reproach (or at fault).
- You will be the vehicle of stupid actions that are equally as empty as the sins of others.
- You will always have bias.
- Outside of what we know without a doubt to be a fact, nobody truely knows.
- We will always have to act on incomplete, and uncertain knowledge. (yes knowledge can def. be uncertain. like principles for example)
- There is no absolute good action. (even good things sometime have bad consequences...believe it or not)
- You will never be able to do exactly what you want to do.
- There is no true home
- You can never be truly authentic.
- There will always be so much more beyond your awareness.
- Not everything is possible. ("but, Nick everything is possible if you just have hope", sorry but even as religious as i am i don't believe it, and if you do...you really need to read this.)
- You will always be part of an existing plan (if you believe in god), or "process" (for those of you who don't believe in God)
- You can never truly break from the trajectory, maybe nudge it around, but that'll ultimately be part of that trajectory.
- Your weaknesses will always be betrayed by your actions at some point.
- You, as much as I will always be sorrounded by our nature fake habitats that we've grown to think of it as being natural. (big cities draped with huge skyscrapers, power plants spewing toxins, and pollutants, even small rural parts of the world are becoming rediculously fake. If I truely had will, and ommission i would abandon our "civilized" but in all actuality uncivilized world, and become dare i say a drifter, hobo, or whatever. Living off the land. Like our fore - fathers originally did. Not a care in the fucking world.
- No event or meal or situation or conversation will be completely satisfactory.
- Nothing will ever be completely satisfactory.
- You will never be completely comfortable.
- The gravity of life will always be subject to a potential risk of utter, stupid, and simple anniilation. Like a car accident. or better yet global warming. were doing it ourselves, and we have no one to blame except ourselves.
- You will never have total control.
- You won't be able to win them all. Someone will always hate you no matter what.
- There is no perfect art.
- You'll never be beyond your own embarassment.
- You will never TRULY do the right thing.
- There is no true "outside", or outer-body obligation, you and what's inside, examples being your; heart, mind, and soul. You answer to those things only, and you will live a happy existence. most people nowadays only care about what's on the outside. i honestly feel amazed at how we could let ourselves self - righteously, and obliviously come to where we are in society today.
- There will always be a "kryptonite".
- You cannot escape your emotions, only hide in fear of your lifes reality.
- You can forgive past events, but never forget them.
- Something will always haunt you.
- Nobody is beyond temptation.
- Knowing and doing will always be different, but at the same time knowing, and applying your knowledge is def. debatable as being (opinion) one of the best things for a human being.
- You won't ever completely understand yourself or others.
- You will never rid the world of cruetly, sin, and war.
- You will never reach your full potential.
- You will always be subject to the needs of your...physical body, relationships, family, house, country, or even car haha.
- Because of the nature of time, everything that exists needs maintenence.

I wonder, though, what this whole list-making thing says about me and my current state. I do believe i've found a true un - ignorant happiness. I'm set for life. 


- Nicola

Today was succeedingly [not an actual word] uneventful.
Band practice today was the same as any other.
Road my bike for awhile.
I crashed and got a booboo on my knee 8[
bhahaah.
Smoked some dank, then some more.






- Nicola